Rage

I consider myself a person who has not yet fully learned the art of managing my emotions, but I am substantial enough at it to motivate myself and avoid mental breakdowns (for the most part). It was not always this way, as in high school I snapped my boyfriend's phone in half and made a girl cry during lunch break. Granted these two incidents may seem horrific, but you should know the girl was extremely sensitive and knew she had not been doing her duty on as VP of our executive board despite many requests from myself and others. And on the matter of the phone, there is nothing I can say to get myself out of that one. Anyway, it is safe to say I handle my rage much better now after coming to college and enduring a plethora of annoyance from a variety of sources.

You may wonder how I cope with annoying things and people. I have one word for you: headphones. I have an application on my ipod that is called the "Sleep Machine" that I use when I nap during the day as our walls do not exactly block out conversations or chairs screeching across the kitchen floor. I also listen to my ipod when doing work in noisy places. Unfortunately, today I forgot to bring the white instrument sent straight from heaven to the library. This simple mistake is what sparked this entire blog entry. Rage.

A few moments ago, there were two females who chose to sit right next to my table during which they failed recognized I was doing work. They both had smoothies in their hands but instead of slurping these smoothies up with a straw (which is only slightly annoying), they proceeded to drink their smoothies like soup. They took their sweet time in sucking every morsel of crushed fruit/yogurt from spoons. On top of this, they were speaking at the top of their lungs about how boys screw them over constantly. Perfect conversation for a typical day at the library. The final straw was that they spoke slower than Beavis and Butthead. I heard one of the girls say, "If I can't finish my homework I won't be able to go to the hockey game" in the time it would take a baby to finish a jar of baby food. I really think they were on drugs.

This entire time I was debating weather I should move my laptop and books or not. Unfortunately, my anger of having to move because of them got to me and I was determined to sit in place. At one point I was so angry, that I was pounding my fingers into the keyboard. I began to breathe heavy and probably looked like I was having a seizure. My heart starting racing rapidly and I realized how creative I am as a person as the obscenities running through my head were those you probably have never thought of in your entire life.

It got to the point where I realized I was mentally unstable. I have rage issues at random moments and they are triggered by the smallest things. I must learn how to not depend on technology and face reality. I hope recognizing my problem is the first step to improvement, but then again how many alcoholics who recognize they need to stop drinking actually avoid popping a beer open for breakfast?