Lucky for me, there has been only one period in my life when I felt awkward all the time. I just moved from a small town where I was constantly the center of attention and knew everyone. I was thirteen years old and started new at a posh suburbian middle school. My hair was tied tight in a bun every day because I hated how frizzy it was when it was down. I wore clothes that didn't allow me to stand out, I walked with my head down, and it took me a year to make a good group of friends. I knew I wasn't being myself. I hated being looked at as I constantly worried about being made fun of. I envied the girls who were at ease with themselves and considered myself a loser.
I had the opportunity to move once again two years after this awkward phase of my life. I was a sophomore in high school at this point and was deathly afraid of being the same person I had been before. I made sure to change by forcing myself to make conversation with everyone I knew. It was so hard at first to put myself out there but once it was done I felt so good. I have become a master at this "not caring" attitude as I talk to anyone and everyone now. I still feel that extreme uncomfort sometimes in interviews or I feel it creep up on me when many people are staring, but I shrug things off.
This entry was sparked by this sweet guy in my class who is extremely soft-spoken. He is extremely intelligent and has every reason to be confidence yet he cannot stand the lime-light. Unfortunately, our class is discussion based and he is constantly forced to go outside of his comfort zone. I can almost hear his heart beat and see his hands shake even when he walks in the room. This anxiety makes me so sad because I can relate. I just want to take him in my wings and tell him everyone loves him but unfortuately life doesn't work this way. It is all about pushing yourself, no matter how hard it may be. The other alternative is dealing with it. Not everyone is a natural.
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